Jun 1, 2022

Both my parents have cancer

Feels like I’ve been living the same year all over again. Same plot, different characters. Same tragedy, different receiver. Same feelings, different intensity. Same pain, different outcomes. And while the same story is repeating itself, the previous one is still playing. Like a twisted episode of Black Mirror. The tragedy mirrors itself. We look in the mirror and there are two different people there, living the same problems separately but identically, waiting to see what happens to one another. Watching one tragedy unfold through their eyes while living a tragedy through their own sense of self. Feels like it’ll never end but if it ends, how will it end? To whom? Both? None? Good? Bad? Good and bad? Good and good? Bad and bad? OR bad and worse? How, when, where and to whom?

1 min read

Both my parents have cancer

Feels like I’ve been living the same year all over again. Same plot, different characters. Same tragedy, different receiver. Same feelings, different intensity. Same pain, different outcomes.
And while the same story is repeating itself, the previous one is still playing. Like a twisted episode of Black Mirror. The tragedy mirrors itself. We look in the mirror and there are two different people there, living the same problems separately but identically, waiting to see what happens to one another. Watching one tragedy unfold through their eyes while living a tragedy through their own sense of self.
Feels like it’ll never end but if it ends, how will it end? To whom? Both? None? Good? Bad? Good and bad? Good and good? Bad and bad? OR bad and worse? How, when, where and to whom?

Oct 10, 2021

To my teenager self

To my teenager self In your teenage years life is about a boy who doesn’t see life the same way you do. So your heart aches, you cry and listen to sad songs. …

Creativity

3 min read

Creativity

3 min read

Dec 4, 2020

Who I’m not

2 am confession When who I am makes it hurt to breathe I’m not scared I’m scarred When who I see on the mirror makes it hard to live I’m not hurt I’m empty When no one knows I’m not me I’m silence When no one asks I’m not disappointed I’ve disappeared When no one sees I’m not angry I’m tired When no one cares I’m not heartbroken I’m quiet When they are disappointed in me I’m not sad I know I’m disappointed in me too

Life

1 min read

Life

1 min read

Who I’m not

2 am confession

When who I am makes it hurt to breathe

I’m not scared

I’m scarred

When who I see on the mirror makes it hard to live

I’m not hurt

I’m empty

When no one knows

I’m not me

I’m silence

When no one asks

I’m not disappointed

I’ve disappeared

When no one sees

I’m not angry

I’m tired

When no one cares

I’m not heartbroken

I’m quiet

When they are disappointed in me

I’m not sad

I know

I’m disappointed in me too

When they hurt me

I’m not hurt

I’m alone

When I live

I’m not alive

I’m empty space

I’m in agony

When I’m me

I’m not

I’m in hell

Apr 12, 2018

Your smile makes me smile

Your smile makes me smile Your laugh makes me laugh But I haven’t heard or seen it in a while, Not since the day you left

Love

1 min read

Love

1 min read

Apr 2, 2018

Missed Call

I unlocked my phone in the morning and saw I had a missed call and a voicemail, I didn’t recognize the number so I went to listen to the voicemail: “Hey,” I heard in a soft tone, seemed unsure “I’m glad you didn’t pick up.” …

Love

4 min read

Love

4 min read

Published in Alexandra Santos

·Oct 10, 2017

You vs the person I thought you were

Some nights are better than others but all of them are horrible. Some nights I just miss you, other nights I miss your soul, a soul that I never really got to know and that hurts even more because you were it for me. You had me, you would’ve known my soul if only you paid any attention but I could never have known yours because you and the person I thought I was laying next to aren’t the same.

Poetry

1 min read

Poetry

1 min read

Published in Alexandra Santos

·Sep 28, 2017

Let the poison leave your body

Let it be over, let the poison leave your body. Let the distance come in between you. Let yourself feel the distance. Don’t go back because you’re lonely, don’t go back because you miss the way they made you feel. Don’t forget that for every smile there were ten tears…

Love

2 min read

Love

2 min read

Sep 27, 2017

The healing

As long as it felt, you now look back and you catch yourself thinking about how broken you felt and how much you have healed, how much you have learned, how much you’ve hurt, cried, changed but mostly how your heart doesn’t feel heavy anymore, it still hurts but not…

Love

2 min read

Love

2 min read

Published in Alexandra Santos

·Sep 26, 2017

Like a whisper

and I still don’t know what was the best part of you leaving if it was the goodbye you didn’t bother to give me as my christmas gift or if it was the pain of knowing that i can indeed feel that i’m human you left and didn’t bother to say anything just like i fell in love with you silently like a whisper but then it turned into a fucking wrecking ball that distroyed everything that was left of me

Life Lessons

1 min read

Life Lessons

1 min read

Published in Alexandra Santos

·Sep 26, 2017

A Lot

I swear I can’t make up my mind whether loving you was the best or worst thing that ever happened to me because you often make me cry and i’m not sure if that’s ok and i know sometimes i get too mad about it and you say i’m too…

Love

1 min read